If you are reading this article because someone has died — or someone is dying — and the question of how to pay for the funeral is on your shoulders right now, please first know this: you are not failing. Funeral costs in the United States typically run $8,000 to $15,000 for a traditional service, often more in higher-cost areas like northern New Jersey. Most families do not have that amount sitting available. You are not alone in needing to figure this out under impossible time pressure.
I’m Sam Gottlieb, and I run Pine Lake Life Solutions, an educational firm in Lakewood, NJ. This guide walks through the real sources of money for a funeral — not just the two or three the funeral home mentions. The seven below cover both scenarios this guide is written for: a death has already happened, and a death is being anticipated with some time to plan.
We do not buy life insurance policies. We provide education, clarity, and access to licensed professionals. There is no urgent reason to talk to us today, this week, or this month if you don’t want to — this guide stands on its own and most of what is in it does not involve Pine Lake at all.
Two situations this guide covers
If you read on, the framework below applies to both of the following:
- Situation 1: A death has already happened. The funeral home is asking how you want to pay, and time is short. Options 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 are immediately relevant. Option 7 may also apply if the surviving spouse or family member has their own life insurance policy and is facing financial pressure as a result of the death.
- Situation 2: A death is being anticipated. Someone is gravely ill, in hospice or palliative care, and you are trying to plan ahead so that the family does not face this question in panic mode. Options 1 through 6 still apply when the time comes, but Option 7 is the option most families miss in this scenario — and the one we exist to explain.
Before anything: a few things to know in the first hour
If you have just been handed a contract by a funeral home, or you are about to be, three things will help in the next 24 hours.
You have rights under federal law. The FTC’s Funeral Rule requires every funeral home to give you a written General Price List (GPL) and to quote prices over the phone. You can buy items individually — caskets, services, transportation — rather than only buying bundled packages. You are not required to embalm in most cases. You are not required to buy the casket from the funeral home; you can buy one elsewhere, including online, and the funeral home cannot refuse it or charge you extra for using it.
The funeral home does not need to be paid all at once on the day of the service. Many funeral homes accept assignment of life insurance benefits — meaning the deceased’s life insurance policy pays the funeral home directly when the claim is processed, and the family does not have to pay anything up front. Many also offer interest-free payment plans. You have to ask. They will not always volunteer either option.
Direct cremation and direct burial are legitimate, dignified options. Both significantly reduce cost (often by 60–80% versus a full traditional service) without sacrificing the ability to hold a memorial later, in any form the family chooses. Memorial services at a home, a place of worship, or another location after a direct cremation cost almost nothing relative to a funeral-home-led traditional service.
Option 1 — The deceased’s life insurance policy
If the deceased had a life insurance policy in force at the time of death, that policy is the largest immediate source of funds for the funeral and for the family’s transition.
Two ways to access it for funeral expenses specifically:
Assignment of benefits. Most funeral homes will accept an “irrevocable assignment” of the death benefit. The family signs a document directing the insurer to pay the funeral home directly (up to the funeral cost) once the claim is processed; the remainder of the death benefit goes to the named beneficiary. The family does not pay the funeral home out of pocket. This is the single most useful option when a life insurance policy exists and the family doesn’t have the cash up front.
Direct claim and reimbursement. If you have cash available to pay the funeral up front, you can file the death claim directly with the insurer and receive the full death benefit (typically 2 to 6 weeks after filing), then reimburse yourself. The advantage is full beneficiary control over the proceeds. The disadvantage is that families without ready cash can’t use this path.
What you’ll need to file a claim:
- Certified copy of the death certificate (you’ll need several — funeral homes typically order them; budget for 5–10 copies)
- The policy number (the funeral home or the family can ask the insurer to look up the policy if the paperwork has been lost)
- The named beneficiary’s identification
If you suspect a policy exists but cannot find the paperwork, the NAIC Life Insurance Policy Locator is a free service that searches participating insurers for policies under the deceased’s name.
Option 2 — Veterans burial benefits
If the deceased was a U.S. veteran with honorable discharge, the family is entitled to:
- A burial allowance from the VA. The amount varies by whether the death was service-connected or not, and whether the veteran was receiving VA pension or compensation at the time of death.
- A burial flag at no cost.
- Free interment at a national cemetery, including the gravesite, opening and closing, headstone or marker, and perpetual care. Spouses of veterans are also eligible.
How to access: the funeral home can typically file the VA paperwork on the family’s behalf. If you want to handle it directly, a Veterans Service Officer (VSO) at no cost can guide you. Be wary of for-profit firms that charge fees for what is a free government benefit application.
Option 3 — Social Security and state benefits
Social Security one-time death benefit. A modest one-time payment (currently $255) is made to a surviving spouse who was living with the deceased, or to surviving minor children. Apply by phone at the Social Security Administration (1-800-772-1213) — usually within 2 years of the death.
Social Security survivor benefits. Far more meaningful than the $255 lump sum. A surviving spouse may be eligible for ongoing monthly survivor benefits, especially if the surviving spouse is at or near retirement age. Surviving minor children may also be eligible. This is separate from the funeral cost question but worth pursuing in the same period.
State funeral assistance programs. Several states provide funeral assistance for low-income families. New Jersey administers funeral expense assistance through the NJ WorkFirst TANF program and through county welfare offices for qualifying families. Other state-specific programs exist; the county welfare or social services office can confirm what is available.
Option 4 — Funeral home payment options and negotiation
The funeral home is a business. Its prices are negotiable in several ways most families do not realize:
Itemize. Ask for the General Price List in writing (this is your federal right under the Funeral Rule). Decline the items you do not need. Embalming is not required if you choose direct cremation or direct burial without viewing. Visitation, calling hours, and elaborate floral arrangements are optional.
Comparison shop by phone. The Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to quote prices over the phone. Pricing varies substantially between funeral homes in the same area for the same services. Two phone calls can save thousands of dollars.
Ask for a payment plan. Many funeral homes will accept interest-free installments over 6 to 24 months. They will rarely volunteer this; you have to ask.
Consider a lower-cost provider. Funeral cooperatives and nonprofit funeral homes exist in many areas and typically charge significantly less than for-profit chains. The Funeral Consumers Alliance (funerals.org) maintains a directory of local consumer-protection chapters that can point to lower-cost providers in your area.
Consider direct cremation or direct burial. Often $1,000 to $3,000 total versus $10,000+ for a traditional funeral. A family-led memorial service afterward — at home, at a place of worship, at a park — can be deeply meaningful and costs almost nothing.
Option 5 — Community, religious, and fraternal support
In moments like this, community matters more than most people expect.
Religious congregations often provide direct financial assistance to member families and frequently know which local funeral homes work with the congregation on reduced rates. If the deceased was a member of a synagogue, church, mosque, or other religious community, the clergy contact is often the most useful first call.
Fraternal organizations — Masons, Knights of Columbus, Elks, American Legion, VFW, Polish Falcons, and many others — often have death benefits or funeral assistance funds for member families. The funeral home can usually contact these organizations on the family’s behalf.
Workplace benefits. If the deceased was employed, look at employer-provided life insurance (often 1× or 2× annual salary, group term), accidental death and dismemberment coverage, and any employee assistance program that may have bereavement support.
Union benefits. Many unions provide death benefits, funeral expense assistance, or both to members and their families.
Crowdfunding. Platforms like GoFundMe have funeral-specific fundraisers that often raise meaningful amounts quickly. The platforms take a small percentage; the rest goes directly to the family.
Option 6 — Reduce the cost of the funeral itself
This is the option most worth considering specifically because it is the one funeral homes have a financial interest in not bringing up. The single largest factor in funeral cost is the type of service.
Direct cremation. The deceased is cremated without a viewing or ceremony at the funeral home. The remains are returned to the family, who then hold a memorial service in any form they choose, anywhere they choose. Typical cost: $1,000 to $3,000. A meaningful, dignified memorial can be held afterward at virtually no cost.
Direct burial. The deceased is buried without embalming, viewing, or ceremony at the funeral home. The graveside or memorial service is held separately. Typical cost: $2,000 to $5,000 plus cemetery costs.
Green burial. A growing option — burial without embalming, in a biodegradable casket or shroud, at a green-certified cemetery. Often less expensive than traditional burial and aligned with the values many families hold.
Memorial service without a body. The body is buried or cremated separately. The family hosts a memorial at their home, a place of worship, a community center, or outdoors. The cost is essentially the cost of refreshments and any rented space.
These options are not “lesser.” Many families find that a more personal, family-led memorial — held a week or a month after the death, when grief has begun to soften — is more meaningful than the rushed, expensive traditional funeral that happens within days of death. The “traditional funeral within three days” pattern is a marketing norm, not a requirement.
Option 7 — For families in Situation 2: the existing life insurance policy of the person who is dying
This is the option most families miss when there is time to plan, and the one we exist to explain.
If the person who is gravely ill — your parent, your spouse, the loved one in hospice — owns a permanent life insurance policy (universal life, indexed universal life, whole life, or convertible term that has been converted), that policy may be accessible before death to fund their own funeral arrangements and reduce the financial burden on the family.
Three paths:
Accelerated death benefit (ADB) rider. Many policies include a rider that lets the insured access part of the death benefit early under qualifying medical conditions — typically terminal illness, sometimes chronic illness. If the insured has been diagnosed with a serious medical condition with a prognosis covered by the rider, accessing this benefit while they are still living allows them to fund their own arrangements with dignity. The rider is built into the contract; if it is there, it costs nothing additional to use.
Viatical settlement. A viatical settlement is the sale of an in-force life insurance policy to a state-licensed buyer when the insured has a terminal or chronic illness. The proceeds are received during the insured’s lifetime, are generally federally tax-free under IRC Section 101(g) for qualifying terminally ill insureds, and can be used for any purpose — including the insured’s own funeral planning.
Accelerated benefits offered by the carrier. Some carriers offer accelerated benefits outside of a specific ADB rider, under certain hardship conditions. This is rare but worth asking the carrier about.
For families in Situation 2 — where time is short but death has not yet occurred — pursuing one of these three paths is often the single most meaningful financial action that can be taken. It allows the insured to fund their own arrangements while alive, which many people find deeply meaningful in its own right. It also reduces the financial strain on the surviving family in the immediate post-death period.
The conversation about Option 7 should ideally happen before the medical situation has progressed to a point where the insured cannot participate in the decision. If you are reading this guide and the situation has not yet reached that point, a free educational review with us — 10 to 15 minutes by phone — can help you understand whether the policy qualifies for any of the three paths, and what each would likely provide.
We do not buy policies. We do not pressure. There is nothing about this conversation that has to happen today, and we will not make it feel that way.
Call (305) 209-7183 during business hours (Monday–Friday, 9:00 AM – 5:00 PM ET), or request an educational review →, when and if the family is ready.
Three common mistakes families make under acute grief and time pressure
Mistake 1: Buying the funeral package the funeral home recommends without itemizing. Funeral homes routinely present bundled packages that include items families would not have selected if asked individually. Embalming, viewing rooms, premium caskets, limousines, and printed memorial programs are all optional. The federal Funeral Rule guarantees your right to itemize. The savings from itemizing can be substantial — often several thousand dollars on a single funeral.
Mistake 2: Paying the funeral home cash up front when life insurance exists. If the deceased had a life insurance policy, assigning benefits directly to the funeral home means the family does not have to pay anything out of pocket. This is the single most important thing to ask the funeral home about in the first conversation: “Do you accept irrevocable assignment of benefits from the deceased’s life insurance policy?” Nearly all funeral homes do, but they will rarely bring it up.
Mistake 3: Falling for “burial insurance” or “final expense” products sold to grieving families. These are typically small whole life policies ($10,000 to $25,000 face) sold under aggressive marketing tactics, often through direct mail or television advertising aimed at seniors. They are usually a poor value compared to alternatives, and they specifically target families during or after a funeral when emotional defenses are low. If a family member is being pressured to buy one of these products in the wake of a loss, the answer is almost always to wait at least 30 days before making any decision.
How to begin
If you are in Situation 1 (a death has just occurred):
- Slow down by 24 hours. Most funeral decisions made within hours of a death are not the decisions the family would make with one more day to think. Ask the funeral home if any decisions can be deferred until tomorrow.
- Ask for the General Price List in writing and itemize.
- Ask the funeral home whether they accept irrevocable assignment of life insurance benefits. If the deceased had any policy at all, this is the single most important question.
- Call the deceased’s church, synagogue, mosque, or fraternal organization if applicable. Many provide direct financial assistance.
- File the Social Security death benefit application (you have up to 2 years but easier to do early).
- If the deceased was a veteran, file the VA burial allowance with the funeral home’s help.
- Take whatever time the family needs for the memorial itself. Many families later wish they had waited longer for a more meaningful gathering rather than rushing into a traditional funeral within three days.
If you are in Situation 2 (death is anticipated):
- Confirm the insured’s life insurance details now. Pull the policy contract, the most recent statement, and check whether an accelerated death benefit rider is included.
- Have the conversation about pre-need arrangements with the insured while they are able to participate. This is one of the most meaningful conversations a family can have together in this period.
- Consider Option 7 — schedule a free educational review while there is time to evaluate whether the ADB rider or a viatical settlement applies. The conversation is no-obligation and many families find it useful even if they ultimately choose not to proceed.
- Identify the funeral home, cemetery, and burial preferences in advance. Compare prices among 2 or 3 funeral homes by phone. Make selections in writing.
For Situation 1, the educational review is not the right call this week. For Situation 2, it may be.
Helpful resources outside Pine Lake
- Funeral Consumers Alliance — funerals.org (consumer-protection nonprofit, local chapters, low-cost provider directory)
- FTC Funeral Rule — ftc.gov funeral-cost consumer guide
- NAIC Life Insurance Policy Locator — free service to find policies under a deceased’s name
- VA Burial Benefits — va.gov/burials-memorials
- Social Security Survivors Benefits — ssa.gov/survivors, 1-800-772-1213
- Hospice Foundation of America — hospicefoundation.org (end-of-life planning resources)
- NJ County Welfare Offices — for state funeral assistance eligibility
- NJ Department of Banking and Insurance — nj.gov/dobi (NJ insurance regulator)
What to do next on Pine Lake
- Read the cornerstone: The Complete Guide to Understanding Life Settlements
- If a parent is gravely ill and you are helping them: Helping Aging Parents With Money: A Practical Guide for Adult Children
- If end-of-life planning involves a terminal illness: Viatical Settlements: Help When Time Matters Most
- If the surviving family member faces premium pressure on their own policy: Can’t Afford Your Life Insurance Premium? Don’t Let It Lapse First
- Or schedule an educational policy review — confidential, no obligation, free. There is no urgent reason for this conversation if you are in Situation 1.
Required disclosure
Pine Lake Life Solutions does not purchase life insurance policies and does not provide legal, tax, medical, funeral planning, or investment advice. Information provided is for educational purposes only. Eligibility for any option, including life settlements, viatical settlements, and accelerated death benefit riders, is not guaranteed and depends on individual circumstances, policy terms, underwriting, and medical conditions. Tax treatment described reflects the general federal framework under Rev. Rul. 2009-13 as modified by the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act of 2017, and IRC Section 101(g) for qualifying viatical settlements; individual results may vary. Funeral costs, VA benefits, Social Security benefits, and state funeral assistance program rules vary and change frequently. Individuals are encouraged to consult independent legal, tax, financial, funeral-planning, or healthcare professionals before making decisions regarding life insurance policies, funeral arrangements, or related matters.